Getting my ”trans related health care” from a trump supporting pharmacy like CVS was intimidating just as a thought. Advocating for myself to cis het pharmacists has been difficult. I understand it’s a field that takes patience, but more than not, they don’t like to hear when they’re wrong. I opened up the little baggy to find the wrong script. I told him the correct needles I needed (for subcutaneous injection) and he tried convincing me that testosterone could ONLY be injected with intramuscular needles, which are significantly larger and thicker than subcutaneous. Not only was this inaccurate, but I also had to explain to him in detail how my T shot works with the rest of the line behind me. When he rang me out he could have said ANYTHING else, my last name, or no name at all. But he didn’t. He said, “Okay, (insert deadname), do you need anything else, ma’am?” I just stood there, my glaring eyes looking at his face as I said “what?” in a very monotoned manner. Peoples “preferred name” (which is a discussion for another day), do not appear on screen when it comes to shit like the health care system.
My frustrations go as far as a phone call or text to my best friends to tell them what happened this time around at my trip to CVS. They’re never surprised anymore. They’ve been getting these calls and texts for the last three years about how CVS fucks with my homeostasis constantly. As if my literal hormonal balance doesn’t rely on it. The blame goes to my physician, too, who are the ones that are supposed to be sending in the correct script but don’t unless I call at lest six times about it to remind them. It’s exhausting, always trying to find balance when it’s so far from me. I don’t have a choice either, because it’s in the hands of my physician (who had been on maternity leave) who leaves her work in the hands of a transphobic, older, white, cis, doctor. While my primary was on maternity leave, and since she had been gone I hadn’t been on time for my shot once because the script hadn’t been renewed by the person taking on her work. I had called both the pharmacy and the clinic a number of times, they kept sending me back and forth pointing the finger at the other person. When I came in, I told them I was being discriminated against. They didn’t like that word. After the consoling and trying to make me feel better, they assured me that the script would be ready by the afternoon. By that time I was already over two weeks late for my shot (which I’m supposed to take weekly). And as you could imagine, I was rampant in anger because my hormones were imbalanced.
I switched over to Rite Aid after that, and have been much more satisfied with their pharmacists. They have never called me by the wrong pronouns or by my deadname. I guess that’s a lot to ask for… but now I don’t take it for granted. The health care system is so intimidating. Especially for someone who is painfully aware about how little trans lives and hrt are considered as important or even valid to them.
As I write this, I am two weeks late for my shot again and raging because I’m out of balance again. I see testosterone being in my life till the end and it was exciting to think of at first, but now it’s a nuisance.